Don’t Fret! I know (first hand) that parenting can be a daunting daily challenge. I can sometimes get caught up in the rules and laws of maintaining structure in their lives. Instead of parenting, I begin policing my kids through
their childhood. This scares me.
I found that there are three main stages in a child’s development and therefore we must compliment these stages with 3 styles of parenting. In this video, I share the 3 stages of parenting:
This is the first stage and it starts when our children are born. We care for them and teach them how to be safe. Keeping them from fire, sharp objects and chemicals.
After you teach them how to be safe, they will need you to teach them to love themselves. Give them security by affirming them. This becomes important especial when they begin to socialize with their peers. When they know their worth, they won’t seek approval from their friends. You can see the nascent fruits of leadership and independence budding in this stage.
Once they begin to chart their course through life, making decisions, trying and failing, they do NOT need “I told you so’s.” They need “supporters.” This is your chance to show them that you are an inseparable part of their growth and ultimate success in life. Let them decide on their own. You observe and offer counsel. RELAX! You’re still in control here because you will initiate their independence and they will know that you trusted them enough to “let them” make decisions.
Consider the alternative
I’ve witnessed the dangers of despotic parenting. The poor kids would cringe at the sound of their parents’ voice. The mother and father would starve them of any right or freedom. They would secretly crave the exercise of will (given to every man) until they, through rebellion and defiance, stake their claim.
After a while their rebellion having no true basis nor substance, will persist only to send a message straight to your heart, “YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” Okay, a bit dramatic but you get my point.
You can choose to react to defiance & rebellion or you can start early and initiate you teen’s independence by lending your trust & vision to them, reminding them that you were a supporter to their leadership.