We all try to do the best we can. With all that is in our power, we try to do what we feel is right, not only for ourselves but for others. Why is it, that our actions don’t always bring about the best possible outcomes? It’s because, we either think what we are doing is honestly the best you possibly can, and you don’t know any better way or you know that there is a chance you could be hurting yourself and others with a less than positive habit, but you are too used to it to cut it loose.
Before you think about adding new qualities to your life, try getting rid of these three, as a great starting point for your personal development.
These three destructive “C’s” are so subtle to detect, yet they are responsible for more people leaving and avoiding us when we come around. They make us radioactive and such a pain to be around. Throw them in the trash and you will begin to see a change in the way people treat you and respond to you. Your influence and leadership will be more effective.
1 Criticizing – No one walks into a conversation just hoping to have their vulnerable thoughts shot down or even poked fun at. People are sensitive about things they care about. Think about this. A person only shares something they think will be of value. Whether they joke about it or not, I have found that if a person opens their mouth to share their ideas in public, it’s because they believe it was a good idea. Criticize a person if you want them to shut down, close up, and set themselves against you when it is your time to share or present.
Quit criticizing and you will see the best of people unfold like precious flowers before you.
2 Condemning – When a person makes a mistake, do they say to themselves, “Gosh, I wish someone I really love, trust, and admire would just come and spay me with toxic words of their disapproval?” No way. Again, a person, for the most part, would not do something without thinking it was the best thing to do, given the circumstances. Remember, I did not say it was the right thing. It helps to try and see the effort as well as the best intentions behind the misguided actions, as a starting point for your response and take on the matter. You will be surprised how you gain the admiration of a person when you don’t condemn them (especially when they are expecting you to really go to work on them) It starts with a slight opening of the eyes, a raising of an eyebrow, followed by a micro-smile of relief and appreciation that you gave them a chance to lick their wounds in private.
Quit condemning and you will gain the loyalty and respect of those around you. They will work until they are worthy of the trust you place in them.
3 Complaining – Did you know that we all have problems? That’s our rhetorical question for the day. This World is about filled 70% with negativity. That means out of 10 conversations you have, 7 of them will be negative. Though some people thrive on drama and gossip, the average person wants to aspire. When you develop a reputation and habit for complaining, you o two very dangerous things that hold you back in life.
When you complain, you train your mind to look for the worst possibilities and outcomes in any situation. Following the practice makes perfect, you train yourself to spot the negative and cynical point of view in everything.
When you complain, you create a culture of insecurity and uneasiness in your social circle. By definition, to complain means to express one’s grief, uneasiness, or resentment. The question is, “to whom?” and “about whom?” The person hearing the complaint is first looking at how small of a person you are because, “you can always tell how big a person is by the size of the things that make him angry.” Second, they are wondering, “If they are dogging Sally like this, I wonder what they would say if I ever do something they don’t like.” Congratulations! You have successfully given your friend the gift of insecurity.
Quit complaining and your friends will feel more secure around you, trusting you with more personal details of their lives.