We all have different personalities. Sometimes we fall into a rut trying to deal with annoying people. Some have even declared all-out war against us, meeting our gestures of kindness with unnecessary antagonism.
You can completely change a person. I heard through the grapevine that this is impossible. Not true. Do you want to know how you can change a person, without them doing a thing? By far, the best ways to get around the dark side of an coworker is to focus your attention (and their attention as well) on their good side. Things change when your enemy gives you a genuine spontaneous compliment. Don’t believe me? Well, let’s take a look. Imagine you buy a new outfit, ready to impress and turn heads, you enter the office and no one notices your fancy 3 piece suit. In comes the one person in the office you cannot stand. Your arch nemesis, in fact.
You gear up your defenses as they approach, ready to spew your venomous words at the first sign of an attack. As they approach, their eyes light up and they seem to forget that you both argued just yesterday. No, the only thing on their mind is your tailored wool 3 piece suit with flat front tapered pants.
Question: Do you interrupt his compliment to suggest you both continue the argument from yesterday?
Absolutely not! You are caught off guard. It’s okay, though, because you want to talk about your clothes. You can change anyone, without them even doing anything. Start by choosing to see them differently.
How do you find good points to a person who has caused so much pain? How do you even dig that deep, looking past all the bad to find the good? Good news! You don’t have to do any soul searching to find their good points. I have two very practical exercises that helps me to find the good points of a person.
Who would like a person like that?
Literally ask that very question. “Who gets along with this person?” Even though it might be hard to believe, someone actually wants to be around the very person you consider repulsive. Second, ask, “What do they see in this person that I don’t?” If you cannot find an answer and you know the person, do yourself a favor and ask them.
Imagine you were invited to the ceremony where the person was getting an award and as fate would have it, they asked you to deliver the speech about the person’s good points.
a. What would you say?
b. What wouldn’t you say?
Use these two exercises to find a new side of the same person and you will begin to see them through new eyes.